Hi, my name is Margita, and I’m an overthinking addict…Not the intro you expected, right? Me neither. I’ve spent months writing the drafts of my first blog post, just waiting and waiting for perfect conditions.
There just seems to have been a lot of waiting, and that, by default, does not take you anywhere. So, I’m done with the waiting and finally doing the doing – making my voices and experiences go digitally public.
The why is to inspire, myself and others, to live their life to its full potential and to be able to reply that truthful “Yes.” to the “Are you happy?”. Yes, as cliché as that.
The who is a Croatian 30-something curiosity feeder and flow seeker; a sports enthusiast and singing junkie; a daughter, a sister, a friend; a science advocate; an overthinker, mistakes maker, anxiety fighter, pattern breaker, challenges taker, experience chaser, fear facer…
The what is growth through many areas of my life and interest (work, music, human relationships, (neuro)science…), but primarily sports.
The who for is you, the reader, the viewer, whoever wants to be inspired and motivated to make that first step and continue moving forward. Myself included.
I was waiting:
– for perfect words (’cause I’m a linguist by education and profession),
– to be dazzled by the perfect website layout (‘cause the visual is so crucial and fixed for all internety),
– for better body fitness (‘cause I want to write about my sport experiences so I better look and feel good),
– to solve many of my problems (‘cause she might say or he might say who am I to say anything…when I have failed at many things, failed myself, and failed others),
– to be less vulnerable (‘cause vulnerability equals weakness),
– to feel less shameful (‘cause, guess what, I’ve made mistakes both privately and in business),
– to come up with the perfect blog/domain name (remember the linguist part?),
– for overall perfect conditions (‘cause anything less than perfect is not good enough)…
Overthinking, however, only causes paralysis and/or slow motion in execution, so, I myself needed a push. Yesterday, I was inspired and pushed by someone to finally stop making excuses and start making steps towards reaching the goal of starting a blog – register the domain, buy the hosting, set up the simplest ever website just enough for this very first post, write the first blog post, and finally post it. I made a promise to that person that I will do all this before embarking on a new mind-body-soul adventure ahead of me – a 50k trail race starting tonight at midnight – the (in)famous Blatersa on Zagreb’s Medvednica. (My Mom still doesn’t know! And no, she’s not on Facebook, and I hope she won’t Google my name middle of the night and discover my finally up and running blog…while I’m up and running somewhere on Zagreb’s mountain of Medvednica). (But, just in case…Mom, I’m OK! 🙂 )
My trail&trek adventure began this September when I joined Zagreb Trekking School; the decision to join the club was brought back in June, after I had spent 5 weeks in a row, day in and day out, hiking 15-20km a day by myself afterwork hours, in an attempt to fight my anxiety attacks, clear my mind, keep my health despite the chronic stress, and try to let go of the things I can’t control, hoping that all will turn out well in the end.
Next thing I know, there I was, Googling trail running, hiking, sky running, mountaineering, trekking…found the club, sent the application form, and the first day of “school”…I almost gave up! I am now sooo grateful to the dynamic Margita who slapped the couch potato and made her go to the first training session.
Fitness-wise, I did not start from scratch – I have been running since I was 15, and back in 2006 and 2007 I was competing in triathlon races…you know, just your average amateur athlete trying to make the most of the day. When asked what happened in the past 10 years, I just say…life. My sporadic solo running, cycling and swimming sessions were just a reminder of the good old active athletic days, but that was not enough to make me be more consistent. A topic for another post, or two..or highly likely, ten. 🙂
But let me say something more about the past three months – joining this club was one of the best decisions I have brought to realization, ever in my life.
Physically, my muscle memory allowed for progress, peaking, so far, 15k of trail&road the other day at a steady pace, and concluding the run with the “I want more” feeling. As for hiking/trekking, I have so far managed to cross 30km of hiking&running combined (mostly courtesy of my poor orientation skills which often take me to paths unknown – hey, learning, ok?! 🙂 ), sometimes with the “I can go further” feeling, both mentally and physically, but sometimes with the body shouting “You crazy witch, that four-legged one-hour uphill nearly killed me, take me home, let’s watch TV and eat Nutella!” and my mind and spirit calmly saying “Yes, we want more, we know we can go more, but we also prefer Nutella now, and let’s listen to the body this time.”
Mentally, these past three months have restored some traits of me I thought that were forever lost. I think many can relate.
Socially, I met a supportive group of people who serve as inspiration – from smallest acts of kindness, to perseverance which often literally keeps me up and running to the end of the session.
And here I am, about to post the very first public piece of writing on life matters, I am getting ready for this crazy night trail experience, joining a bunch of crazy people who have decided to spend the night out in cold testing their limits. It is currently raining heavily, and there will most certainly be some snow running&hiking up there. My heart wants to cross the whole 50k, my inner critic has been nagging me for the past 3 days wanting that I quit, I have butterflies in my stomach as if I am getting ready for a date, and my body is feeling ready, yet scared of my there-are-no-limits mind, ‘cause who knows what will happen at the 10th, 20th, 30th kilometre…or further.
But then I realized – at the moment, my decision is not to finish the race, my decision is to show up at the start line and do my best after the clock strikes 23:59h, with everything that I have at disposal – the mindset, the current skills/knowledge, and the fitness. And simply enjoy the ride and the company.
With birth, you showed up at the start line…with death, you will reach the finish line. Now do your best with the race of your life.